The keg is half full

It isn’t unusual that I find myself teetering between what nouns categorize as pessimism and optimism. But faced with the impending future of my future, I struggle with being able to “walk confidently in the direction of  [my] dreams”. And this is not for lack of the ability to dream big; over the last 22 years I’ve found that fantasy and outlandish aspirations prefer to consume my thoughts as opposed to rational ones. However, following through with such lofty ambitions and choosing a definitive path has never been a strong suit. All thought, no action.

As I linger on the edge of diving full force into my last year of college, I know it is not yet the time to be panicking and pulling my hair out over what is to be for Ally G. Yet I have but countable weeks, days, and hours in which to be completely reckless with those I have become so close to.  I have no doubts that this will be anything less than the best year of my college career (sans going abroad… but that is another topic entirely).  I look forward to what is in store for me in my senior year and I feel prepared to face each opportunity with enthusiasm and a Justin Bieber ‘Never Say Never!’ attitude. But inevitably the time will come that I have to do what I have been avoiding with every fiber in my body: grow up.  And as repulsive and frightening as this seems, I am beginning to realize something crucial. Growing up doesn’t mean growing old. I am in charge of me and I am in charge of my life. As scary as accepting responsibility and moving towards a new, more professional chapter of my thus far short and sweet story is, I am starting to see that the next move is mine to determine. Maybe this is the time for my wishful thinking to become a reality. I’m developing my interests and exploring my passions and being honest with myself about what makes me happy and what I could really do with these interests in the future. I’ve never been one to know just what I want and what is right for me, but I am determined to take my seemingly impossible ideas and chase them down. If not now, then when? The thought of being alone and unhappy after graduation (I’m sure I’m not alone in this vivid nightmare) is pushing me forward to do something. And now instead of turning a cold shoulder to any mention of “post-grad life”, I’m warming up to the notion of being an adult still capable of fun and adventure. So with that future, for now at least, I give you a shrug and a smirk.